Overcoming bitterness

Not many foods can be described as bitter, but once you taste one you know it. Your face reacts and head shakes as you try to get rid of a bad taste that you’ll remember for a long time. It’s interesting then that we use the same word to describe people whose attitude is sour, labeling them ‘bitter.’ We avoid those people just like we avoid bitter foods. Honestly, sometimes we are those bitter people.

In the Bible we read a warning to watch out that “no bitter root grows” (Heb.12:15). And “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander” (Eph.4:31). Bitterness usually begins with pain—someone hurts or offends you or someone you know. Our first response is anger. As that anger settles on us, it creates bitterness in our souls. The more we dwell on it, the deeper those roots of bitterness grow, tightening around us and proving nearly impossible to shake. It is a destructive emotion that will gradually eat away at us from the inside. If we allow it stay there, eventually it will bear the fruit of revenge.

The antidote for the poison of bitterness is forgiveness. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph.4:31-32). Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of bitterness, resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you—regardless of whether they actually deserve it.

That last part—regardless of whether they deserve it—is very important. The odds are that the person who caused you pain isn’t suffering nearly as much as you are right now. They have moved on, but you still carry that pain around with you and have added to it by becoming bitter and resentful. When you make the daily choice to forgive, you gradually release yourself from bondage to that past pain. It has no hold over you when you choose to say, “I forgive them.”

That’s what Jesus did even as he was hanging on the cross to die. To the Romans who nailed him in place; to the guards who were gambling for his clothes as he hung there; to the criminal beside him hurling insults; and to the people walking by who mocked him—he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Matt.23:34).

Are you chained to a past hurt that has only become worse over time? Are you bitter and resentful because of what someone else has done? The key to moving out of that dark place is to forgive.