What is forgiveness?

“When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?”...But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.” (Genesis 50:15-21)

Forgiveness is powerful. We all need to receive it and give it or we’ll be extremely difficult people to be around. Forgiveness is sort of like oil to a car engine—it keeps relationships running smoothly. When it runs out, those relationships are damaged, sometimes beyond repair.

What does it mean to forgive someone? Joseph’s brothers knew: “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” Joseph could have held something over their heads; something against them that they had done wrong. He certainly had reasons not to forgive. After all, they had threatened to kill him and sold him in slavery to travelers, which resulted in him being imprisoned for something he never did.

They expected retaliation rather than forgiveness and so they said, “forgive…the wrongs and sins (vv.16-17)”. Not receiving forgiveness works upon us, creating fear, anger, bitterness, and any number of negative emotions. They wanted to be released from the fear of retaliation; from the weight of worrying that something is coming your way because of what you did. On the other hand, holding onto a grudge rather than forgiving works upon us as well. It creates a root of bitterness that grows inside until we become miserable, angry, and bitter too. The way to be free from this is to forgive.

Forgiveness is the opposite of holding a grudge. It is the opposite of paying someone back—even if they deserve it.

Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of
resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you—
regardless of whether they actually deserve it.

It might be a decision you have to make every time you see or think about that person or the harm they caused you, but it is a decision you must make. Forgiveness isn’t easy, like flipping a switch to turn on a light. Instead, it’s work. Maybe its more like exercising. The more you do it, the quicker you’ll see changes. Think of forgiveness like a muscle that you exercise every time you are tempted to hold that grudge.